Tuesday, 11 May 2010

The Wives

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I'm still shaking....repercussions of an earlier mortar attack in the guise of an email and the ever freezing cold bed that never warms up.
My defences went down this morning and I temporarily admitted defeat. Threats were once again made, nothing more than could be described as thinly veiled blackmail. For a while I was scared that these threats were true, I have questioned all day whether I have got it all wrong and he is going to do what he has been planning for nearly eighteen months.
I have those two mini me's on my shoulders arguing, going over different scenarios. Questioning everything. "What if I'm wrong." "But I know I am right."
"This is really because he's scared, he has a lot at stake. He doesn't want us to dig any deeper"
The Stepford Wives came bearing cake. That's what we call ourselves. Or was it our husbands that nicknamed us that? Between the four of us we have seventeen children. We had four husbands as well until recently. Now there are two. Ten children now in 'broken homes'
We ranted, cried, gossiped, ate.
I feel better, still shaking but not crying. Still scared but not broken.


-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, 7 May 2010

Thankful Friday

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I can't believe it's a week since I last posted, I've had technical glitches which has hindered posting and reading.
To be honest I've been feeling quite overwhelmed with life too.....and I've been feeling guilty about that. I tend to retreat and clam up at times like this. I also feel a little exposed at the moment.
I have nothing new to say, financially things have never been harder and yet more or less daily I learn of my ex-husband's ability to buy this, buy that...etc... My pleads that we cannot possibly manage on a sixth of what we were, have fallen on deaf ears and yet again I am incredulous that this can happen and that he continues to get away with this.

Anyway, enough self pity, among the muddle of life I still have lots to be grateful for. Don't forget we can all usually search deep and find something, just a little something that reminds us that all isn't so bleak. 
This week I am grateful for :

1.  The sun, wind and rain...all natural, all bringing their own types of beauty.
2.  A lovely roof over our heads.
3.  Fresh running water.
4.  Food on our table.
5.  Birthday cake.
6.  Burger King.
7.  Invitations.
8.  Twitter friends.
9.  Marmite.
10.Some teenage boys who have done something so special for my son, it makes me cry everytime I think about it.

Note there is no mention of chocolate...I'm trying to be good. Or wine, because I realise it is not good for me at all. That doesn't mean that either are not replaced with alternatives though! ;0)

Take care...xx
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Friday, 30 April 2010

Satisfaction

19 I Love Your Comments
Thank you all sooo much for your supportive and encouraging comments. If I had more energy I could devote a whole post to your comments.
I have really enjoyed reading posts about the gratitude award and have been so excited when I have stumbled across posts by the people that the award has been passed onto...that has brought me a lot of joy this week. Thank you for passing it on.

It's been a tough week, I've got through it. I strangely had a little cry today.....I cannot bear the thought of Him playing happy families with his new family but it's something that I've got to get used to.The children still haven't met their new sibling.
I still have lots to be grateful for this week though and would like to let you all know-

1. The children and I braved trains, crowds, weekend travel and had a lovely day out on Sunday. We met up with old friends and had a wonderful day. We did so much walking and I was very proud of them doing that without any fuss. Oh, and the sun shined even though when we left home it was raining.

2. Another day, one of my best friends, who lives abroad, and her children visited. It means a lot as I know how hard it is for her to find the time to get to us. We had a great few hours.

3. I am grateful for meeting new friends who have been very welcoming and have brightened my day.

4. I am very grateful for a sympathetic Judge who read Him the riot act and said things to Him that no one else has before. Apart from her calling Him a bad man, I was impressed that she told Him that his new family would always come second, in a legal sense, to his first family. Thank you, thank you. I wish I could say it hit home with him, but he seems to have a shield surrounding him which deflects any attacks....his response? He laughed.

5. I'm grateful for my family. I could never have got through the stress of another appearance in court without someone in particular, and I'm grateful for the support from the rest of the family.

I hope to be able to devote more time next week to this blog....I still have a ton of paperwork to do regarding other matters as well as the legal ones though.

Have a great weekend everyone! xx

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A single mother of many children struggling to come to terms with the shock departure of her husband, his addictions, infidelity and lies