Thank you all for your well wishes, I'm still not feeling great but realise I've come off lightly and could feel a lot worse. Unfortunately the baby did not sleep yesterday and in fact destroyed the playroom which is still in disarray much to the disgust of his older siblings.

I woke up at 2am this morning in a panic. Why now am I falling apart? I've never suffered panic attacks in the past. I was very scared and kept trying to distract myself. I ended up pacing my bedroom trying not to succumb to it.

Eventually it stopped and I got back to sleep. Today I feel a bit shaky still, maybe it's because I'm not feeling well, or maybe it was the night nurse tablets?

I must admit last week I had a couple of moments where my heart started palpitating and I felt breathless but it stopped very quickly.

I really don't need this worry on top of everything else. I have a big week ahead of me which I'm dreading.

On to my Friday gratitude list, I am grateful for;

1. Only having mild flu symptoms

2. Day and Night nurse which has meant I can still function.

3. My beautiful children who keep me going.

4. My family.

5. John Lewis for giving me Christmas inspiration.

6. For certain people's kindness, too many to mention but they have all gone way beyond the call of duty.

7. For de-cluttering, although unplanned the clear out made me feel good.

8. For internet shopping, thus avoiding queues, heavy traffic and carrying bulky items.

9. Handymen, it's amazing how quickly they can get all those little jobs done that I haven't a clue how to do.

10.When I get there I will be very grateful for the 'dump' where I can take all those broken toys that I have cleared out.

Bed is where I'd like to be.

Thank goodness for Day and Night Nurse and thank goodness I can actually take something for the first time in years as I am neither pregnant or breastfeeding.

At least I can function albeit not to my best ability. Fingers crossed I won't feel any worse and will be back on form tomorrow.

Going back to the sofa in the hope that the baby will have a sleep and give me a break for a few minutes.

Well I've had sick child after sick child for two weeks now, not been feeling great myself plus my 'mini' meltdown last week hence the lack of comments on everyone's blogs.

 I realised today that I must tackle  the dreaded *sshh* Christmas presents. I have to admit that I'm miserable when it comes to Christmas......it always seems like such a lot of hard work for one day after which you are left with more toys to find room for and excess pounds on the tummy and hips!

Gone are the days when I used to think of a different theme for my Christmas table, spending hours deciding on colour schemes, buying tiny 'table' presents for everyone ( up to fourteen of us) and buying new accessories for the new look.

Haha....maybe I'm just suffering from Christmas 'burnout'.

When the first couple of children were very young I used to love Christmas, it was all about them and I'd happily stay up virtually all of Christmas Eve night wrapping presents and peeling brussel sprouts knowing that I had to cook a twenty pound turkey the next morning for fourteen people for lunch.

Maybe I just got fed up waiting on all those people year after year. I started to resent them slightly for taking me away from the 'good bits' of Christmas- playing with my children.

We'd just finish clearing up the dinner when the in laws would expect the next meal. Over the years I'd managed to par it down to the minimum, ham and turkey sandwiches and Christmas cake. Then there would be demands of cups of tea.

The last Christmas we were all together I took the baby to bed and fell asleep exhausted, and didn't reappear until the next day.

As usual I've completely gone off the subject.....enough of this Christmas day talk!!!

It's presents that are causing me grief at the moment.

My children break up from school in just over three weeks, I am so unorganised and cannot believe the date....where did that come from?

One also has a birthday before then as well.

My children need ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Our house is full of toys.

But.....they will be expecting something.

I did a quick shop online at Toys R Us today so that's the baby done.

Only the others to do and all the adults in my life. Gulp!

On an entirely different note, I know a lot of you were interested to hear about my hypnotherapy session.... today I went for the second time. But......this is going to sound really boring , I can't tell you much about it at all. When I went the first time the hypnotherapist ,who is a lovely intuitive lady, said there was no way I could be hypnotised for confidence without dealing with all the other 'issues' first. So we are dealing with coping strategies. It's really weird, I know I am totally aware the whole time although I did drift off momentarily today, so I'm not sure how you know if you're being hypnotised. I could tell today that something was happening and I left with a big grin but it's not the quick fix I was hoping for. I've also got a lot of homework to do. I have lots of CD's to listen to for various different problems....stress, anger, grief,panic etc. I really must find the time to do them and not stay up half the night looking at the computer.

I do feel a bit calmer today, which is the first time in a week and I have got to do my homework....so if you see me blogging away or stuck to the computer too much, remind me. I tend to forget.

Now what internet site can I look at for present inspiration?