Well, I'm still the same status today as yesterday but I am now mentally prepared to take the next step. The big plunge....downwards. ( when I am satisfied that we are secure )
I'm trying to not sound so depressing all the time but at the moment it all seems doom and gloom.
Nothing is getting resolved and I now feel railroaded. Everything that has happened was planned and all that I have fought for is turning out to be a waste of time and money.
I have some very important decisions to make over the next couple of weeks. Carry on fighting or give up.
My head is spinning, I am being pulled in all directions....being told different things by everyone.
What do I do?
Banging my head against a brick wall is an understatement. Please does anyone know if addiction makes people especially unable to see their wrongs? So unreasonable?
I am so frustrated at the moment.
So angry.
I cannot believe what this man is doing to me and his children.
And my frown lines are getting worse...how do you stop yourself frowning in the night?
That's my rant.
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11 I Love Your Comments:
Oh no. This doesn't sound good (and neither does your last post). You must keep going and be strong for those children. I don't know a great deal about addiction but I would imagine that anyone heavily addicted would be impossible to deal with. I hope you are able to get some help and guidance in making those big decision. You know you have some loyal readers who are happy to chip in teir thoughts and ideas.
Yes, addiction DOES make people unable to see their wrongs. It DOES make them unreasonable. And it makes them EXTREMELY selfish. I wish I knew what to tell you that would magically fix this; but I don't. All I can tell you is to continue to do what you think is best for you and your children. Fight the good fight. And know that I/we are here anytime you need to vent, cry or rage.
I know it seems like a long, hard road (and it is) but you will get through it and things will begin to turn around.
Much love. xx
Dear Rosie and Gigi
Thank you both, sometimes I think people must be so fed up with me moaning all the time. I'm trying to see positives but it's very hard and dealing with someone who is totally irrational makes it ten times harder. I am just constantly shocked at his actions and the things he says and the way he thinks HE is the victim in all of this. Grrrr. There I'm off again.
Thank you again for your support.
CM xx
Thank god you have this blog so you can vent. And I can so see why you need to vent. when things feel this tough its best to go to bed and just vow to wake up tomorrow to face another day. You will win out over him in the end. It's a traditional tale of good versus bad. Hugs to you xx
Yes addiction makes people become incredilbly selfish - and blind to it; like their blindness to their addiction. I am coming to terms with some of my own actions right now through the help of AA. I do know that Al Anon (or in your case Narcotics Anon) really helps the families of addicts and can give them a sense of peace/serenity/spirituality as they go through hellish times. Congratulations on a very powerful blog.
People with addictions cannot see what they are doing wrong.
You need some time out, to get your head together and to see things as they are. Its very difficult at the best of times when you are caught in the middle of everything.
Keep your head. Read 'If' by Kipling, but most of all hang in there. It will not last forever. Its a sticky time.
Love RMxx
I can only chime in with similar thoughts - addicts do not think of anyone outside of themselves and their addiction. That's all. I think the idea of getting support from AA/NA is an excellent - you need to be in touch with people who've survived the admittedly terrible journey you're on.
So hold up! You're doing a great job with your family and they need you!
Oh CM, I am so so sorry for you- it must feel terribly dark at the moment. Especially whilst trying to keep it together for your family's sake when inside you are crumbling. All I can say, from one who has been down that terribly solitary route is that one day the pain shall be less. It may take a week or it may take many years- but it will be so.
For your own sake and that of your children, try not to trouble your already overburdened mind with what's going on in the head of an addict. Jeez, that way lies a labyrinth of hideousness. (There are a great many rumblings about D's father being caught up in the same.... so I get that whole other vile dimension).
I am guessing that you are involved in all sorts of 'legal wrangling' which can be dreadful enough in itself. Try and be strong, but on the days that you are not, know that you aren't alone.
With all love xxx
At least the Robbie William thing was a prank.... A ray of hope in the cold day sky.xx
I'm new to your blog, an amazing read.Hang in there.xx
Aw hun keep your head up! When I get really down I start chanting "that that won't kill me, can only make me stronger."
DONT GIVE UP...EVER!!!
You must stay strong. For you, for the kids, for women going through this all over.
This is your blog. This is where you come to express yourself. If people think you're depressing then heck, they can read another blog! Don't worry about us. We are here for you!
MUAH!
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