I'm having a bit of trouble at the moment with my six year.
She has always loved her cuddles and I can't say that she was a mummy's girl or a daddy's girl - she loved cuddles from us both.
When her father left unexpectedly last year she became very tearful, often saying that she missed her daddy. If you've read older posts you will know that he was barely around and still isn't really although there is some sort of routine to it all now. Only due to court intervention though.
I know I am struggling to deal with all the emotions going around our house from children of various ages. It is only recently that the enormity of just how many children I have to look after emotionally and physically has dawned on me. I suppose I am finding it harder as I struggle to cope with my own feelings and I think because this daughter is being unusually difficult.
She is being quite spiteful to the baby, that breaks my heart as she has always been a maternal little thing and is very obviously seeking attention.
Every other word is, "can't" and in between that she is pretending to cry.
She is also eating a lot.
I have to admit that my patience is wearing thin. And I feel really bad about this.
I don't seem to have the time or energy to deal with this. I never get a day where I can spend time with her one to one.
I'm feeling like a crap mother at the moment. I'm usually the type to sort these things out, give others advice.
I'm tired, really tired. I'm trying to be strong and I'm doing everything I can to stay strong for my children but I just feel at the moment I don't have the strength to deal with the worry or practicalities of another child with emotional problems. All of them except the baby have problems to some extent.....our situation has been very stressful and unusual. I have not been able to talk to the children about their father's problems. The court don't think it necessary....and yet counsellors have a different opinion.
I'm also aware that I'm not such an attentive mother as I was, I'm always tired, preoccupied, sad ( I try to hide it), grumpy, worried...the list goes on.
I feel abandoned, they must too. I beat myself up....what did I do? They probably do too. They must question why their father has virtually cut them out of his life. Surely?
They see him go on holiday after holiday, they see me counting out the pennies.
Everything about their lives have and will continue to change for the foreseeable future.
In the meantime he expects them to accept these changes, while he's grinning like a cheshire cat and thrusting these changes down their throats.
Just because he's moved on he expects everyone else to.
I'm trying to protect them as much as possible.
I bloody hate him for destroying my babies' innocence. I want to stop them feeling hurt.
I've really digressed, maybe daughter aged six is just behaving as she would have at this age even if husband was still here. Maybe this all to do with her place in the family, she's not the eldest or the youngest. She may just be jealous of her younger sibling, but he has been around for two years now. I tell her that she'll always be my baby girl.
I can see the downside of large families when in this situation, I think I'm going to have to find a way of spending time alone with her. I'm not sure how or when but it's got to happen and soon
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8 I Love Your Comments:
I simply cannot imagine having to deal with more than one - so I don't know how you are doing so, in your situation, with so many.
Maybe you could take her out of school for a day - just the two of you? I know M-C always enjoyed that one-on-one attention (still does). One day of missed school won't hurt her.
I'm sure the children are all dealing with this is various ways; but be assured, they will come through; as will you.
Thinking of you and wishing I could be of more help.
Great advice I used to do that now and again if they were off do something out of the norm with them even if its just for afternoon tea. A little girl would love that.
But I am sure it will pass eventually they go through so many phases you know this. Its just you have so many other pressure xxx
What a situation - but you're right about it being something that could be happening anyway. And it will pass. It always does. Believe me.
Your daughter sounds angry. I don't think she is being deliberately difficult, sounds like there is a huge amount going on for all of you which must be difficult and exhausting for you. You say you have not been able to talk to your children about their father's problems. There may be information they need to know that will help them understand what has happened. In my humble opinion, I think it is best to decide what information you want your children to know and then sit down and tell the when the time is right. Tell them what you have planned to say and no more, save the rest for another time. It may ease your daughter's frustration. As you know, I have a six-year-old and this is the advise I have followed but of course all families are different. If you could snatch maybe a hour with her on your own, she may eventually open up and tell you what is wrong. She will probably need to be reassured that you are not going to disappear as well. AS you say, things are changing and will continue to do so in the future, but let them know the one stable thing they have that will always be there, is you.
Dear Gigi
In actual fact she was off school sick today, but then the baby was there too. That's the trouble, it is very hard to get the one to one time. I will see what I can do though. x
Dear Rosie
I'm sure she's not doing this intentionally either, I'm just worried about her.
I think as their father's actions have consequences that are now starting to show I will have to tell them something.
Thank you. x
How odd! I posted about sibling rivalries last night too. It's attention seeking but kind of justifiable attention seeking. I do think the one-on-one advice is very good and I often find that this is what dudelet wants in times of stress (like at the moment).
Four! You're completely heroic!
I think that the children are reacting to a lot of stress and uncertainty. All the feelings that you are having aren't lost on them. I hope that they too can get some help to understand that none of what happened with their dad is their fault. And it isn't your fault either. You didn't cause this, can't cure it,and can't control it.
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